What I'm Listening To...

Band of Horses - Our Swords (Listen)
While you may think the song is initially by the Blue Man Group with that PVC pipe sounding beat, ghost-like lyrics are added by singer Ben Birdwell, and may remind you a little of My Morning Jacket. The rhythmic timing then sends you into a melodic trance. The guitar takes you along as if you are moving with the song. I can see a great stop-motion music video as I listen to this song. Maybe taking place on a subway with people rocking back and forth to the jerking of the train. Listen to it and think about it. Our Swords is a song that keeps it simple but still packs a lot. With their new CD Cease To Begin (Which came out October 7th), Band of Horses has quickly become one of my new obsessions.

What I Want To See From 30 Rock This Season

"30 Rock" is one of the best written comedy shows on television, and its 3rd season starts next Thursday at 9:30. There has been so much hype for this premier that they already put it up on NBC.com so you can watch it before it airs on TV. With the new season, here are some things I'm hoping to see:

Clips from Tracy Jordan's movies: While Tracy's movies are alluded to a lot, and we have seen some of his past music success (Werewolf Barmitzvah, A Jordan Christmas), we have yet to really see any of his movies. I would love to see a scene from Who Dat Ninja?, as well as other Jordan flashbacks.

Kenneth's family: Kenneth's mom comes into New York City for the first time in her life, just think of the possibilities. She could think her son is corrupted by the media and try to shut down NBC. Or just get in a fist fight with Kathy Geiss.

Liz's adopted kid: While Liz did attempt to adopt a baby, I would love to see her get stuck with a 13 year old from Honduras who's into drinking and hard drugs. She could attempt to return the kid, since she'd never want to deal with that. Or just give it to Tracy.

A Michael Richard's cameo: Jerry Seinfeld got his episode, why can't Kramer have his? Toofer could start off the episode angry because he overheard a man being racist on the subway. Just as he finishes telling the story, Michael Richards, the man he overheard, walks in as the new director of diversity programming.

More Will Arnett: Will Arnett has been near to my heart every since his days as GOB on "Arressted Development." I think "30 Rock" should keep him around as long as possible. Once he divorces Kathy Geiss, he can make a real try at Kenneth, or at least take out an ad on match.com for a replacement Kenneth.

Jack Donaghy's Brillant Lines: Much much more of "Do you think he'll call me Jackie Boy? Then I'll be in Erection Cove," "I bow hunt polar bear," and "Your hair is your head suit." These Jack witicisms need to be all over season 3

All of that would be pretty satisfying. Of course we could always use more of Frank's hats, Josh's bad impressions, and Griz and Dot Com.

Future Professions For Sarah Palin

If Sarah Palin doesn't become the nations Vice President (if, i meant when), she's gonna want something more to life than just being the Governor of Alaska. I mean, now that she's a huge celeb she's gotta take advantage of that. Here are some new jobs she can try out:

Disney Cast Member: I heard they needed someone to wear the costume for Talek, the new lip-stick wearing pittbull Disney character:


Waitress: At a Hollywood restaurant themed as the good old Alaskan back country:


SNL Cast Member: Like Tina Fey, but a lot worse. She can just sit around while everyone else does her sketches.

Whatever this could be (either a FBI agent in a beauty pageant or a stripper dressed as an FBI agent in a beauty pageant):

Birthday Presents Will Never Be The Same

Think of all the great things the internet has brought us:

E-mail, so we we can sit around on our asses all day without having to go to the mailbox or call someone. E-vites, so now you don't have to spend the price of a stamp, which i think is around $2 these days to invite friends to your crazy party. Cybersex, so you can have internet sex with someone because you're too creepy for anyone to have real sex with you.

But what happens when you're having cybersex with someone and you have a cyberSTD? How can you tell them without ruining your friendship? Or if it was just a cybersex one night stand and now you feel awkward telling them but you feel like you have an obligation. Well, the great thing is, you don't have to worry about cyberSTDs. Unfortuneately, there are real STDs, and people do get them. If you find yourself in a situation where you have an STD but you're too embarassed to tell all the women you've infected, inSPOT has the answer for you: E-cards that tell a person they may have an STD.



Just think of all the unpleasant awkward conversations you can now avoid. In this past, these conversations would have probably ended with some harsh language or you being injured. Now, your one night stand can open their e-mail one morning and find out the easy way. Maybe they'll smash their computer, but at least that computer isn't your face. And the best part is your conscience in cleared. Everybody wins!

Citizen Kane in 10 seconds

What does Rosebud mean? Let's spend two hours trying to find out. Shoot. No one finds out and Rosebud is burned in a fire. Now, no one will ever know.

Baby Names

My projected most popular baby name of 2009: Astird.

Nick Raps - Alex Mack

Not every 90s Nickelodeon theme song can't have a sweet rapped theme song by Coolio, but every show wish it had. What about "The Secret World of Alex Mack?" That should could have been ten times more badass if it had a rapped theme song. Luckily, I found one:

Puddle of Goo: By Nick Cannon (feat. Linda Ellerbee)

Puddle of Goo (goo goo goo goo goo)
Puddle of Goo (goo goo goo goo)

Alex was walking home one day,
When she suddenly a barrel went astray ,
It was a secret sample, it hurt a ton,
Now Alex is infected with GC-one six one

She can move things with her mind,
Maybe she can save all mankind
But someone's looking to intrude upon,
That evil plant leader Danielle Atron

She wants to find Alex and experiment on her,
So Alex must hide hoping she can deter,
With the help of her sister and her best friend Ray,
She's hides from Vince much to Atron's dismay

Alex Mack, she's great in the sack,
You better watch your back, cause its the MACK ATTACK

Puddle of goo (goo goo goo goo goo)
Puddle of goo (goo goo goo goo)

Uggh, boots.

Outside Temp: 65 degrees Fahrenheit
Number of Ugg boot sightings before 12 noon: 9

you've got to be kidding me.

Apple's New Laptop

Apple is introducing some new designs for their MacBooks on Tuesday, and I heard these laptops are also coming with some cool new features:
- Fans with a combined heating and A/C unit
- Microwave Oven (optional)
- Tanning Bed Dashboard Widget
- Calling features. Who needs an iPhone when your laptop can make calls?
- Cable jack. TVs are outdated anyways.
- Built in iSight laser. For security purposes.
- New apple key. Press it, and a PC user dies.
- An upgraded superiority complex

Michael Cera's Next Movie

Let me start off with a disclaimer: I Love Michael Cera. I have loved him every since he started out at the awkward George Michael on "Arrested Development," and I have enjoyed every movie he has been in since then. I write this, Michael Cera, not cause I do not like you, but because I am worried about you. After watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist yesterday, a movie I really enjoyed, and I realized Michael Cera needs to take action. He needs to go outside the box and do something he has not done before: a drama, an action movie, a horror movie. Anything. Here are some suggestions for future movies:

The Cure
When the youngest scientist (Cera) in a group accidentally creates a neurological deadly disease, he is worried of the consequences. While looking to find a way to destroy this specimen, a group of terrorists break into the complex and steal the formula for the disease. Now, the scientists must work to find a cure before this virus is released, and Cera decides to go after the terrorists, feeling responsible for the fate of the world. When the terrorists end up being a group genetically altered super bears, Cera faces the ultimate challenge of man vs. wild.

Frostbite
Five high school kids (Michael Cera, Ellen Page, Jonah Hill, Kat Dennings, and Clark Duke) head out for a ski weekend at Cera's remote cabin. What starts out as a enjoyable weekend suddenly turns to strange. Their skis go missing. The car won't start. They begin seeing and hearing things around the cabin. What started out as a race down the mountain ends in a fight for their lives against a group of cannabalistic stay-at-home moms.

The Warning Track
Dennis (Michael Cera) had always loved baseball. He was a star on the varsity baseball team in high school, but when a brawl broke out against their rival team, Dennis was suspended for the rest of the regular season for killing a player. Now, Dennis starts working with the coaching staff to make the playoffs so he can get his chance to play again. Everything leads up to the championship game against their rival team. Is the glory of victory worth losing his life to the gang of ornery oponents? Based on a true story.

Condemned
After failing his AP US History Test, Jack Alexander (Michael Cera) wakes up the next morning to find himself in 1776. Now, he must relive US history as a social figure from that period in order to get it right this time. Jack starts out as George Washington, and becomes other famous historical figures like John Wilkes Booth, Andrew Carnegie, Hitler, Martin Luther King Jr., and George W. Bush. What starts out as Jack trying to relive history ends in him changing it entirely when he acidentially blows up the world. Oh well.

Porn
Not just regular old porn, but kinky, toys and all porn. I'm talking laser light shows, fog machines, bounce houses, roller derbies, and Burger King ball pits. But when Michael Cera is clothed he should wear a striped polo with a zip up hoodie, as well as courdoroy pants. He should also have a shy, awkward personality. Instead of traditional porn music there should be indie music chosen by Michael Cera himself.

What I'm Listening To...

Jose Gonzalez - Hand on Your Heart

What happens when an Argentinian man is born in Sweden? Beautiful, melodious music is born, that's what. Gonzalez has one of the most relaxing voices I've ever heard, and his lyrics speaks to me. While this song could have some cheesy love references, Jose makes it seem like something more. His lyrics have meaning. His guitar also makes listening to this song more than just listening, it's an experience. Whether he's speaking to the people in the world who have lost someone close, or giving advice to those blossoming new relationships, or if you just like good relaxing music, listen to this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmLGMWgHIgw