The Discountinued Merit Badges of Boy Scouts

There was this kid from New York who managed to receive everyone of the 121 Merit Badges offered by the Boy Scouts of America. While that may kind of impressive, it would have been completely different if he had to get all the Merit Badges that have been discontinued. Every single one of these has a use in the world today:

Agribusiness:
If Buster Bluth took 18th century agrarian business classes, then every Boy Scout should have to have to get the Agribusiness merit badge.

Blacksmithing:
You never know when the world will suddenly be in the dark ages again and the most important job will be the blacksmith.

Bookbinding:
After baseball, bookbinding is the national pastime of America.

Botany:
I truly think that if you are not able to put together a lovely flower arrangement and know a good amount about flowers, being a Boy Scout is not for you.

Cement Work:
The Boy Scout's motto is "Be Prepared." What says being prepared like being able to put down a house's foundation on command.

Carpentry:
Once you lay a house's foundation, you should be able to put up the walls and everything.

Consumer Buying:
All people are consumers. You should know how to buy things.

Farm and Ranch Management:
What's going to happen when machines turn on the human race? Were gonna have to go back to farming. Without Boy Scouts trained in farming, America will fail.

Foundry Practice:
Again, dark ages people. Everyone needs a good founder.

Machinery:
Well maybe this should be changed to defeating machines. Since that skill will be necessary when the machines do in fact turn on the humans.

Pathfinding:
I feel like a big part of the Boy Scouts is hiking and camping. A big part of that is being able to walk on trails and such. If you cannot find a path, you're screwed. Especially when that bear comes along and kills you.

Printing/Communication:
I guess in our world today communicating is not really important or essential. Maybe I was wrong about this one being necessary.

Rabbit Raising:
No explanation needed. This one is a given.

Signaling:
Without this, you would be one of those asshole drivers who never uses their blinkers. And you would fail at hand signals while riding a bike.

Taxidermy:
You're hunting out in the words. BAM. You shoot a raccoon. What better way to celebrate than to take out whatever materials needed and taxiderming that coon on the spot.

Wood Turning:
Wikipedia describes Wood Turning as a form of woodworking that is used to create wooden objects on a lathe. That sounds important enough to me.

Top 5 Dwight Scrute Faces

5. The Epitome Dwight




4. The Bobble-Dwight




3. The Pervert




2. Darth Schrute




1. The Jim Halpert

Top 10 Albums of 2008

10. Ben Folds - Way To Normal
It may not be quite as good as his past albums, but it still has that great Ben Folds feel.
Track to listen to: Bitch Went Nuts


9. Coldplay - Viva La Vida
Yes, it's like the most popular album of the year, but I mean it does get a little repetitive.
Track to listen to: Viva La Vida (The most overplayed one of them all)


8. The Mountain Goats - Heretic Pride
The singer's voice may be a little weird, but they got a great sound.
Track to Listen to: Lovecraft in Brooklyn


7. Flight of the Conchords - Flight of the Conchords
They may be more comedy than music, but the lyrics are just so well written and Brett and Jermaine are two good looking guys.
Track to Listen to: Foux Du Fafa


6. Eef Barzelay - Lose Big
He is probably the most awkward guy to ever see in concert, but he has some great sounding music, even if its a little weird.
Track to Listen to: Could Be Worse


5. Mates of State - Re-Arrange Us
What happens when you take a husband and wife and mix in synthesizers, organs, and a glockenspiel? Great, extremely catchy music.
Track to Listen to: My Only Offer


4. Kings of Leon - Only By The Night
Not as great as Because of the Times, but it still has that great KoL feel.
Track to Listen to: Sex on Fire


3. Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
Death Cab is always great to listen to, and with this newest album they took a bunch of different styles that are mostly hits.
Track to Listen to: No Sunlight


2. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
Vampire Weekend is the biggest new band of the year, and there is not one song on this album that I do not enjoy.
Track to Listen to: Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa


1. Jukebox the Ghost - Let Live & Let Ghosts
While this may not be the biggest new band of the year, it should be. Not only that, but if you ever have a chance to see them live, do it. It'll be the best experience you ever have.
Track to Listen to: Hold It In

The Joys of Craigslist

Not too long ago, I discovered this great site called craigslisting. Bascially, this guy just finds articles on craigslist and then e-mails the person and messes with them for a while. It's quite entertaining and I was inspired by this guy, so I tried doing some of my own scheming. Unfortunately, I do not have as much luck. So far, I have found about 6 photographers saying that are looking for work at holiday parties. I sent each one of them this message:

Hi! My name is Andrew and I saw your ad in Craigslist and I would be interested in your services. I plan on having a Holiday party with about 50 people, and we would actually really love a photographer to document the event. My Christmas Party does have a theme though, which I think makes it an even better event to take pictures for. My party is going to be religiously themed, since I feel like people don't really care about the religious aspect of Christmas anymore. Don't you agree?

Anyways, I will be dressing up as Joesph, my wife as Mary, and our newborn daughter will be playing Jesus. Yes I know she is a girl, but she will be playing a man's role for the night. Everyone else at the party will either be dressed up as angels, wisemen, or shepherds, as well as a few people dressed as animals. It should be a really great time and we were looking for someone to capture the experience. Of course, on top of money you would also get to enjoy our food and alcohol. What do you think?

Thanks,
Andrew

With no luck. I'll keep at it.

Mojo is the Coolest Thing Ever.

The thing I always used to hate about iTunes is whenever you saw people's shared libraries. Yes, you could go to them, and listen to their music, but that was it. You were always so close to being able to take that music, but then, it never could happen. Until this very moment. Well unless you've known about this program before; but if you haven't, you are in luck! Mojo is a program that allows you to download songs off the shared network, right from your friend's libraries. Now you can always have that copy of Rehab that you were always too embarrassed to download by stealing it from a friends library. It's ok, it's a catchy song. Anyways, its easy, here's a quick step by step:

- Go here, or if you have Windows, there's a beta version here
- Download Mojo
- Open it, make a user name and password so people know who you are.
- Now a little window comes up that looks like this:



- Now have a friend get mojo on your network. When they do you can click the little plus sign and add their user name as a friend. Once they happens, you have full access to all of their music.
- Now if you hit the song note button, you can see their whole library
- If you want a song, click the little down arrow next to it on their library
- Now it downloads and its on your computer
- Also, Mojo will tell you if you have a song already that is in their library, so you won't be downloading repeats. Enjoy!

Unhitched Poster

In the Spring there was this TV Show on FOX called "Unhitched." It was a decent comedy that I watched and laughed at at times, but it only managed to have six episodes. However, I thought of it today and was looking at it on IMDB, when I noticed the poster for the show:



The placement of the food in drinks in this poster is ridiculous. If you don't see it at first, keep looking. It'll happen.

Twas The Night Before Finals...

Twas the night before finals, and throughout the school,
Not a student was studying, they were way too cool
There was a sense of panic throughout the air
But everyone was really too lazy to care

The freshman were cramming info in their heads
While seniors were scoring hot chicks in their beds
And Shannon had just gotten back from the Gap,
While Tim was beginning a four hour nap

When out on the quad there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
I tripped on a shoe and went down with a smash

Just when I thought I had broken my toe,
A shout was heard from a memorable Bro
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a outdoor kegger, with plenty of beer

It was led by Rob who's a really big dick
But wait there's Karen, she's such a hot chick
More rapid than eagles the students they came,
And Rob stood there as he called them by name

Yo Barnes, yo Homes, yo Andrews and Simpson
What up Gill, and Bird, and Roberts and Gibson!
To the kids at Dav A, to the ones at White Hall,
Drink, drink, drink up you all!

Their livers will probably cause them to die,
They drink until the keg runs dry
There on the quad was quite a large crew,
The liquor was gone, now what should they do?

And then, there was Rob, now on the roof
Dancing around, he looked like a goof
I brought in my head and was turning around,
When suddenly I heard a loud sound

Rob fell through the ceiling, right onto my foot,
His body was covered with debris and soot
He looked in pain with a hand on his back,
Quickly he stood, and was cured with a crack

His eyes were glazed over, they looked very wary,
He reeked of booze, and boy was he hairy
He cracked opened a beer, and drank like a pro,
Rob truly was the ultimate bro

He held a Camel in between his teeth,
And packed some tobacco in hip lip underneath
Boy did he have the biggest beer belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly

He looked in the mirror an admired himself,
There was nothing about him that resembled an elf
He then noticed me and calmly he said,
"If you say I was here, you're gonna be dead"

He finished he sentence and proceeded to smirk,
I always knew this guy was a jerk
He turned away and with a tap from his toes
Rob was off and running, there he goes

He met up with his team, and gave them a whistle,
And just like that, they sped away like a missile
But I heard him exclaim, as he ran out of sight,
"I'm the greatest of all, Let's go get in a fight!"

How Yesman Came To Be...

Producer: Ok Jim, so let's come up with an idea for your next project.

Jim Carrey: Alright, well what do you have for me?

P: Well there was some talk of a third movie in the Almighty series. Steve Carrell doesn't want it. What do you think?

J: I don't think so. This isn't the Fast and the Furious and i'm not Vin Diesel.

P: I totally get that. We could always do another Ace Ventura. How bout you have a kid and you're training him to talk to animals?

J: Not to be a dick or anything, but that sounds really awful.

P: Alright, another Eternal Sunshine. You get together with Clementine, but you both wake up one morning and remember everything that has happened.

J: I think we should steer clear of sequels. They don't really do it for me.

P: Come on Jim. You're turning down every idea I give you. What do I need to do to get a yes out of you?

J: How about something that's not a seq...

P: I GOT IT! You're a guy that is constantly turning down everything until you agree to say yes to everything. Comedy ensues.

J: So it's sort of along the lines of Liar Liar? This isn't a sequel is it?

P: No. Completely original idea. You'd just be a guy with a lousy life that completely changes when you agree to say yes to everything.

J: This sounds quite a bit like Liar Liar.

P: Trust me Jim. It'll be completely different.

J: How much money will I get for it?

P: Um, well we can't pay you anything now, but you'll get a certain amount based on how much money the movie brings in.

J: You've got to be kidding me.

P: Jim it'll be a big hit. People love you.

J: Whatever. I'll do it. I have nothing else to do.

What I'm Listening To...

Explosions in the Sky - An Ugly Fact of Life (listen)

Since it is finals time, Explosions in the Sky becomes my go to band. Hailing from Texas, Explosions in the Sky is a band which consists of three guitarists and a drummer, and it is completely instrumental. For those of you who think its hard to study or write a paper and be productive while listening to music, Explosions in the Sky is for you. The are by far the most soothing band to listen to while working on a paper. Check them out, they may even help you on your finals.

Songbird 1.0 Out

The other day I wrote about Songbird and its great features. While I wrote this post when the program was still in its beta phase, Songbird 1.0 came out yesterday. It has all the same great features I described with a few more great add-ons. Check it out at http://getsongbird.com/

My Favorite Michael Scott Quotes

Top 10:

10: Michael: In my opinion the third date is traditionally the one where you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me I'll know for sure.

9: Michael: Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party I nearly vomited.

8: Michael: So have you felt the vibe yet? We work hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard. I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second...and probably an entertainer third.

7: Michael: Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.

6: Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, I’ve heard “women and children first”. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop (thankfully). And women are equal in the workplace by law. So I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.

5: Michael: Jan says anything that doesn’t scare us is not worth doing. I don’t know, maybe we’re different people. I like cuddling and spooning abd she likes video-taping us during sex and then watching right afterward to improve my form.

4: Michael: It’s a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys.

3: Michael: Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s really not a part of our family. Also he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.

2: Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon ----- sue me -- and since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It’s good for me. It’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that…

1: Michael: Yes, it is true…I, Michael Scott am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it and I am going to do it. I need a username and…I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.


Quotes found at Dunderball.com

We're All Dead.

The other day, the Shell Oil Company was drilling for oil and found a strange creature about a mile and a half underwater. It looked a little something like this:



This squid is a new type of squid found to have elbow like arms. It's also really freaking scary. I think this is the first step of evolution of squids, its only a matter of time before were gonna be running from this:



I never knew Cloverfield was actually based on a future true story. Crazy squids.

Songbird

I may have found a music program which...may be better than iTunes. Now wait, before you go and grab your pitchfork and coming storming towards my house, just listen. Yes, iTunes is the top music program that people use, but I feel like that's mainly because people use iPods. I'll admit iTunes does have some pluses. I really think its great with its podcasts, but there are more and more places you can get these podcasts. As far as purchasing music goes, yes iTunes is easy, but you can only listen to purchased music on your accounts and only on iTunes. I have used iTunes this whole time because it does its job. It plays my music, and puts music on my iPod. But the other day I came across a program that completely beats out iTunes in terms of awesomeness: Songbird. Developed by Firefox (no surprise), this music program is great because it allows add-ons to its normal program, just like Firefox. Here are the reasons why Songbird is worth getting:

1. iPod Support
Songbird has an add-on which allows your iPod to work just as easy with Songbird as it does with iTunes.




2. Last.FM Scrobbling
If you dont know what Last.fm is, you should stop reading right now and go get it. Last.fm basically logs all the tracks you listen to (on your computer or iPod) and puts them all on your user profile. Then you can see your most listened to tracks, as well as music compatibility to your friends (well maybe its not as good as eHarmonys compatibility, but it works). This feature is supported in Songbird, which means any song you listen to on it will get scrobbled. Oh, they also have a thing where last.fm finds you cover art automatically for songs, as well as music recommendations based on what you like.



3. Concerts Near You
Being in Boston, I like to know whenever artists I listen to come to any of the many music places in the area, and this add-on is truly great for that. It goes through your library, and lists artists playing near you. Instead of tracking all your favorite artists' shows down, they're all in one convenient location.



4. LyricMaster
LyricMaster is this sweet program that automatically finds the lyrics to the song you are currently playing in Songbird. So if you're in the mood to sing along badly but aren't sure of the words, now its easy to know. It's one step away from those sing a long songs on TV that have the lyrics show up as they are being said. Maybe Songbird will have that one day.

5. SHOUTcast Radio
Not only do you get all the music in your library, but Songbird as a great radio station add on, where you can type in your favorite genres and listen to new music from that genre, for FREE. It's a nice little add-on that gives you something else iTunes doesn't.



The Unneccessary X-Factor: still not convinced? Well this is probably the dumbest thing ever (or the coolest thing ever), but Songbird as an add on that let's you tap out the tune of a song, and then it will find it for you. So if you have a song stuck in your head and forget the name, you can tap it out on the spacebar and SongTapper will find it for you.

While its still in its early stages and there's probably a few things that could still be fixed about Songbird, its definitely becomming my favorite program to listen to music.

Attack of the Cats

Apple may be coming out with its next OS, Snow Leopard in the first quarter of 2009. At first this struck me as hilarious since I just finally got around to getting Leopard on Saturday. Now, they decide to come out with a whole new operating system. Just my luck. Then I realized that the only difference between the names of the two was adding in Snow this time around. Which made me think, what are they going to keep naming these operating systems in the future?

So far, Apple has used these names:
10.0 - Cheetah
10.1 - Puma
10.2 - Jaguar
10.3 - Panther
10.4 - Tiger
10.5 - Leopard
10.6 - Snow Leopard

Obviously, Apple seems to have some weird cat fetish. But that being the case, Apple is slowly running out of options for their future operating systems. I mean they are only so many types of cats out there. Well then I decided to look at Wikipedia and found out that there are a lot more species of cats that exist in this world that I could have even imagined. I figured they could get by with Lion, Lynx, Cougar, and if they were really stretching for names, the Ocelot, but there are still so many other possibilities. Here are some that I think would really be great for Apple:

10.7 - Kodkod (Really rolls of the tongue.)
10.8 - Colocolo (I guess if you just repeat a weird sounding work it is a type of cat.)
10.9 - Clouded Leopard
11.0 - Bornean Clouded Leopard (You can never have enough Leopards.)
11.1 - Flat-headed Cat (This is the point where they just gave up on coming up with cool sounding names and just started describing cats by how they looked.)
11.2 - Rusty-spotted Cat
11.3 - Geoffroy's Cat (Apparently Geoffroy gets his own species of cat. What a douche.)

And byfar, my favorite one (complete with picture)
11.4 - Medantereon

Jinni...The Pandora of Movies

Everyone loves Pandora. It's a great music website that lets you not only listen to music for free, but find new artists that sound similar to artists you like. Now, I know everyone is thinking to themselves: Wouldn't it be great if they did that for movies? Well guess what? They do now. Jinni, a newly developed website that is still in its beta stage, is looking to do to movies what Pandora is doing for music. Not only are they looking to do the same thing, they are looking to blow Pandora's matching out of the water.

Jinni does not just want to take a movie that you like and give you similar movies (I mean Netflix does that), but you can do so much more. You can type in a mood you're in, certain genre you're looking for, a good movie for a date, and basically anything else you can think of. So say you want a romantic comedy thriller set in post World War I that was shot on location in Croatia. Well like, maybe that movie doesn't exactly exist, but if it does Jinni will find it. Say you want a sci fi indie movie set in the stone age. Seriously, if you're actually looking for that you're a moron.

My Day...In Haikus

I woke up today
I'll hit the snooze one more time
Mondays are a bore

Bacon for breakfast
Stuck with cheerios again
What a crappy meal

It is freezing out
Some jerk just bumped into me
Did he have a knife?

I'm in an alley
He is moving really fast
What is happening?

There's another guy
Oh my god he just stabbed him
What do I do now?

There's blood everywhere
I better get out of here
Oh crap he sees me

Running away fast
Adrenaline is pumping
He's right on my heels

Tackled to the ground
What a bad day to record
Mondays always suck

2012 Election

I think we need to get this 2012 election going. Who's running? I want a constant stream of election news.

What I'm Listening To...

Band of Horses - Our Swords (Listen)
While you may think the song is initially by the Blue Man Group with that PVC pipe sounding beat, ghost-like lyrics are added by singer Ben Birdwell, and may remind you a little of My Morning Jacket. The rhythmic timing then sends you into a melodic trance. The guitar takes you along as if you are moving with the song. I can see a great stop-motion music video as I listen to this song. Maybe taking place on a subway with people rocking back and forth to the jerking of the train. Listen to it and think about it. Our Swords is a song that keeps it simple but still packs a lot. With their new CD Cease To Begin (Which came out October 7th), Band of Horses has quickly become one of my new obsessions.

What I Want To See From 30 Rock This Season

"30 Rock" is one of the best written comedy shows on television, and its 3rd season starts next Thursday at 9:30. There has been so much hype for this premier that they already put it up on NBC.com so you can watch it before it airs on TV. With the new season, here are some things I'm hoping to see:

Clips from Tracy Jordan's movies: While Tracy's movies are alluded to a lot, and we have seen some of his past music success (Werewolf Barmitzvah, A Jordan Christmas), we have yet to really see any of his movies. I would love to see a scene from Who Dat Ninja?, as well as other Jordan flashbacks.

Kenneth's family: Kenneth's mom comes into New York City for the first time in her life, just think of the possibilities. She could think her son is corrupted by the media and try to shut down NBC. Or just get in a fist fight with Kathy Geiss.

Liz's adopted kid: While Liz did attempt to adopt a baby, I would love to see her get stuck with a 13 year old from Honduras who's into drinking and hard drugs. She could attempt to return the kid, since she'd never want to deal with that. Or just give it to Tracy.

A Michael Richard's cameo: Jerry Seinfeld got his episode, why can't Kramer have his? Toofer could start off the episode angry because he overheard a man being racist on the subway. Just as he finishes telling the story, Michael Richards, the man he overheard, walks in as the new director of diversity programming.

More Will Arnett: Will Arnett has been near to my heart every since his days as GOB on "Arressted Development." I think "30 Rock" should keep him around as long as possible. Once he divorces Kathy Geiss, he can make a real try at Kenneth, or at least take out an ad on match.com for a replacement Kenneth.

Jack Donaghy's Brillant Lines: Much much more of "Do you think he'll call me Jackie Boy? Then I'll be in Erection Cove," "I bow hunt polar bear," and "Your hair is your head suit." These Jack witicisms need to be all over season 3

All of that would be pretty satisfying. Of course we could always use more of Frank's hats, Josh's bad impressions, and Griz and Dot Com.

Future Professions For Sarah Palin

If Sarah Palin doesn't become the nations Vice President (if, i meant when), she's gonna want something more to life than just being the Governor of Alaska. I mean, now that she's a huge celeb she's gotta take advantage of that. Here are some new jobs she can try out:

Disney Cast Member: I heard they needed someone to wear the costume for Talek, the new lip-stick wearing pittbull Disney character:


Waitress: At a Hollywood restaurant themed as the good old Alaskan back country:


SNL Cast Member: Like Tina Fey, but a lot worse. She can just sit around while everyone else does her sketches.

Whatever this could be (either a FBI agent in a beauty pageant or a stripper dressed as an FBI agent in a beauty pageant):

Birthday Presents Will Never Be The Same

Think of all the great things the internet has brought us:

E-mail, so we we can sit around on our asses all day without having to go to the mailbox or call someone. E-vites, so now you don't have to spend the price of a stamp, which i think is around $2 these days to invite friends to your crazy party. Cybersex, so you can have internet sex with someone because you're too creepy for anyone to have real sex with you.

But what happens when you're having cybersex with someone and you have a cyberSTD? How can you tell them without ruining your friendship? Or if it was just a cybersex one night stand and now you feel awkward telling them but you feel like you have an obligation. Well, the great thing is, you don't have to worry about cyberSTDs. Unfortuneately, there are real STDs, and people do get them. If you find yourself in a situation where you have an STD but you're too embarassed to tell all the women you've infected, inSPOT has the answer for you: E-cards that tell a person they may have an STD.



Just think of all the unpleasant awkward conversations you can now avoid. In this past, these conversations would have probably ended with some harsh language or you being injured. Now, your one night stand can open their e-mail one morning and find out the easy way. Maybe they'll smash their computer, but at least that computer isn't your face. And the best part is your conscience in cleared. Everybody wins!

Citizen Kane in 10 seconds

What does Rosebud mean? Let's spend two hours trying to find out. Shoot. No one finds out and Rosebud is burned in a fire. Now, no one will ever know.

Baby Names

My projected most popular baby name of 2009: Astird.

Nick Raps - Alex Mack

Not every 90s Nickelodeon theme song can't have a sweet rapped theme song by Coolio, but every show wish it had. What about "The Secret World of Alex Mack?" That should could have been ten times more badass if it had a rapped theme song. Luckily, I found one:

Puddle of Goo: By Nick Cannon (feat. Linda Ellerbee)

Puddle of Goo (goo goo goo goo goo)
Puddle of Goo (goo goo goo goo)

Alex was walking home one day,
When she suddenly a barrel went astray ,
It was a secret sample, it hurt a ton,
Now Alex is infected with GC-one six one

She can move things with her mind,
Maybe she can save all mankind
But someone's looking to intrude upon,
That evil plant leader Danielle Atron

She wants to find Alex and experiment on her,
So Alex must hide hoping she can deter,
With the help of her sister and her best friend Ray,
She's hides from Vince much to Atron's dismay

Alex Mack, she's great in the sack,
You better watch your back, cause its the MACK ATTACK

Puddle of goo (goo goo goo goo goo)
Puddle of goo (goo goo goo goo)

Uggh, boots.

Outside Temp: 65 degrees Fahrenheit
Number of Ugg boot sightings before 12 noon: 9

you've got to be kidding me.

Apple's New Laptop

Apple is introducing some new designs for their MacBooks on Tuesday, and I heard these laptops are also coming with some cool new features:
- Fans with a combined heating and A/C unit
- Microwave Oven (optional)
- Tanning Bed Dashboard Widget
- Calling features. Who needs an iPhone when your laptop can make calls?
- Cable jack. TVs are outdated anyways.
- Built in iSight laser. For security purposes.
- New apple key. Press it, and a PC user dies.
- An upgraded superiority complex

Michael Cera's Next Movie

Let me start off with a disclaimer: I Love Michael Cera. I have loved him every since he started out at the awkward George Michael on "Arrested Development," and I have enjoyed every movie he has been in since then. I write this, Michael Cera, not cause I do not like you, but because I am worried about you. After watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist yesterday, a movie I really enjoyed, and I realized Michael Cera needs to take action. He needs to go outside the box and do something he has not done before: a drama, an action movie, a horror movie. Anything. Here are some suggestions for future movies:

The Cure
When the youngest scientist (Cera) in a group accidentally creates a neurological deadly disease, he is worried of the consequences. While looking to find a way to destroy this specimen, a group of terrorists break into the complex and steal the formula for the disease. Now, the scientists must work to find a cure before this virus is released, and Cera decides to go after the terrorists, feeling responsible for the fate of the world. When the terrorists end up being a group genetically altered super bears, Cera faces the ultimate challenge of man vs. wild.

Frostbite
Five high school kids (Michael Cera, Ellen Page, Jonah Hill, Kat Dennings, and Clark Duke) head out for a ski weekend at Cera's remote cabin. What starts out as a enjoyable weekend suddenly turns to strange. Their skis go missing. The car won't start. They begin seeing and hearing things around the cabin. What started out as a race down the mountain ends in a fight for their lives against a group of cannabalistic stay-at-home moms.

The Warning Track
Dennis (Michael Cera) had always loved baseball. He was a star on the varsity baseball team in high school, but when a brawl broke out against their rival team, Dennis was suspended for the rest of the regular season for killing a player. Now, Dennis starts working with the coaching staff to make the playoffs so he can get his chance to play again. Everything leads up to the championship game against their rival team. Is the glory of victory worth losing his life to the gang of ornery oponents? Based on a true story.

Condemned
After failing his AP US History Test, Jack Alexander (Michael Cera) wakes up the next morning to find himself in 1776. Now, he must relive US history as a social figure from that period in order to get it right this time. Jack starts out as George Washington, and becomes other famous historical figures like John Wilkes Booth, Andrew Carnegie, Hitler, Martin Luther King Jr., and George W. Bush. What starts out as Jack trying to relive history ends in him changing it entirely when he acidentially blows up the world. Oh well.

Porn
Not just regular old porn, but kinky, toys and all porn. I'm talking laser light shows, fog machines, bounce houses, roller derbies, and Burger King ball pits. But when Michael Cera is clothed he should wear a striped polo with a zip up hoodie, as well as courdoroy pants. He should also have a shy, awkward personality. Instead of traditional porn music there should be indie music chosen by Michael Cera himself.

What I'm Listening To...

Jose Gonzalez - Hand on Your Heart

What happens when an Argentinian man is born in Sweden? Beautiful, melodious music is born, that's what. Gonzalez has one of the most relaxing voices I've ever heard, and his lyrics speaks to me. While this song could have some cheesy love references, Jose makes it seem like something more. His lyrics have meaning. His guitar also makes listening to this song more than just listening, it's an experience. Whether he's speaking to the people in the world who have lost someone close, or giving advice to those blossoming new relationships, or if you just like good relaxing music, listen to this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmLGMWgHIgw

10 TV Shows I'm Excited For This Season

The 60th Annual Emmy's were last night. The best in television were honored for their great work in the past year. Now, A new year is upon us.

There are a few times during the year I really get excited. One of them is March Madness. I guess that may be pretty much it. Besides now. Not only is it turning to the awesomeness of fall, but TV shows are beginning their new seasons. I always get ridiculously excited for the new seasons, as well as new shows to get into. Here are the 10 shows this season I'm looking forward to:

Heroes
Monday, September 22nd
8PM on NBC
I don't know about the rest of you, but last season of Heroes was such a tease. The strike shortened season kept the season from never really getting an exciting flow to it. However, this left the show with a lot of exciting questions to be answered. What does the future hold in store for the Heroes? What will Sylar do next? Will Villians take over this season of Heroes? Find out tonight.

How I Met Your Mother
Airs: Monday, September 22th
8:30 PM on CBS
As much as I would like to know who Ted's wife is, I'm more interested to find out what will happen with Barney and Robin. Could Barney finally end up actually dating someone? And what will Stella say to Ted's proposal? This show is always finds a way to just make you feel good, and I hope in continues into the 4th season.

The Office
Airs: Thursday, September 25th
9PM on NBC
The season ended with an accepted proposal, but not the one we were expecting. What will Pam do? How will the Dwight/Angela/Andy Love Triangle play out? How long will it be until Michael asks the new HR girl to marry him? Although The Office had a somewhat rocky last season, it finished strong and will hopefully continue into its 5th season.

Dexter
Airs: Sunday, September 28th
9 PM on Showtime
Dexter is one of my new favorite Showtime shows, along with Californication. This show's 2nd season was nothing but edge-of-your-seat suspenseful, and hopefully more of that will come in the 3rd season. How much longer can Dexter go keeping his identity a secret?

Californication
Airs: Sunday, September 28th
10:30 PM on Showtime
The sex-addicted David Duchovny returns as the sex-addicted Hank, who has finally won what he has been fighting for throughout the first season. Hank may now finally have what he wants, but will that be enough? Will he let his new book stay in the hands of the 16 year old daughter of Karen's ex boyfriend that he had sex with? Will Hank be able to stay with one woman for the rest of his life?

Chuck
Monday, September 29th
8PM NBC
No show has really found the perfect harmony between Comedy and Action like Chuck has. The quirky Chuck along with his Buy More associates each have their Nerd Herd qualities that make for a great supporting cast. The fate of Chuck, the one man superdatabase, lies in the hands of Sarah and Casey, his federal agent bodyguards. How much longer will Chuck be safe, even from the ones who are supposed to be protecting him?

30 Rock
Airs: Thursday, October 30th
9:30PM on NBC
30 Rock cleaned up at The Emmys last night, picking up awards for Best Comedy, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Writing. 30 Rock has consistenly become funnier since the show aired two seasons ago. Kenneth never ceases to make me laugh, and Tracy Jordan is comdeic gold. The writers of this show are the smartest writers out there right now.

24
Sunday, November 23rd
FOX
This show didn't even get to air last season because of the strike, so it has been a long time since Jack Bauer has killed everyone in sight. While the situations do get a little ridiculous, and more happens in those 24 hours than will happen in most years, the high intensity of 24 always finds a way to keep me entertained.

Scrubs
ABC
Scrubs is on its final season, and it goes into it with a new network. I hope the show moving to ABC does not ruin anything about it. While it has gone down in humor a little over the past season or so, the writers will find a way to make sure it goes out with its old fashion humor and lovable characters.

LOST
February
ABC
Not a lot needs to be said about the anticipation for this show. Anyone who watches LOST can never wait for the next episode. Although we have to wait til February for the 5th season, we get to see it without any breaks or reruns. Hopefully answers will start to pour out of the show, since there is only one more season after this one until the series ends.

LOST: The Soap Opera Episode

I guess LOST was putting too much drama in the form of action and questions(with some answers from time to time) so they decided they should put that drama in the form of a daytime soap. This episode, creatively titled "The Other Woman," focuses on Juliet's relationships, past and present. This episode brings us back to Juliette's early days with the Others. They introduce a new character, Harper, who is the therapist on the island and also Goodwin's wife. This is the foundation for the drama to occur in the rest of the episode. Juliette and Goodwin have a secret fling, and Juliette has her emerging from the ocean in a bathing suit scene that all of the women on LOST are required to have:

I can't wait for Rousseau's. Harper figures out what's going on with her husband and Juliette, and tells her she's not really that pissed, but Ben will be if he finds out. After a long scene of events, Goodwin is sent out to be one of the Tailies, and then Ben takes Juliette to see Goodwin's dead body. Instead of just killing Goodwin himself like the regular soaps do it, Ben creates an intricate plan to get Goodwin killed. When Juliette asks why he did this Ben tells her, "You are mine." It was pretty creepy on Ben's part, but he's a creepy guy.

Back in real time (or not real time, whatever time happens on the island) Charlotte and Daniel Faraday have peaced the beach and Jack, Juliette, and Jin and Sun take off looking for them. Juliette then hears some whispers and encounters Harper, who tells her she needs to kill Charlotte and Daniel based on Ben's orders. Is she dead or is it actually Harper? I was convinced she was dead and it was the security system/monster, but then Jack had a conversation with her. Could the security system be that good? Anyways, Jack starts asking Juliette questions about Harper and what is going on, but Juliette does not answer him. I don't think anyone will every answer Jack's questions. Jack always has so many questions, and people just kind of ignore him and he never really has that big of a problem with it. What's up with that Jack? Demand more answers, start taking names.

Apparently Charlotte and Daniel are on their way to an electrical station to release a deadly gas that will kill everyone on the island. But Kate is there to stop them, until she gets knocked upside the head by Charlotte. Jack and Juliette find Kate, when Jack proceeds to ask more questions with no answers, and Juliette disappears to the The Tempest where Charlotte and Daniel are. Juliette arrives to Daniel trying to kill everyone on the island, only to find out he is trying to keep everyone from being killed by Ben. Juliette and Charlotte get in a slightly dramatic chick fight, which is not really helping Daniel concentrate on saving everyone's lives. So selfish girls, so selfish. Daniel ends up saving everyone and they run into Jack and Kate. Juliette confesses that Ben wants her, but she wants Jack. Then they have hot, passionate sex right there in front of everyone. Actually, they kiss after everyone left. That is the one flaw in this relationshiped up episode. Juliette just became Jack's other woman, and Jack should have had he way with her.

Oh yeah, and there's those other survivors doing their own thing at the Barracks. Here Ben gives Locke some new information, which is all the guy wants anyway. In these scenes Ben reminds me of that girl Jerry dated in Seinfeld who only looked good in certain light. Ben goes from being bruised and suffering from jaundice to just a few cuts on his face.

The miracle of lighting. The surprising part of Locke and Ben's conversations is that you find out that Charles Widmore is the one who sent out the boat for the island. Charles Widmore? I knew that guy was a sketch. A war is developing between the members of the boat and Ben. What will happen? At least we finally find out who Ben's man on the ship is:

It's Leonard! Actually they don't tell you anything, but I have high hopes for next episode.

What I'm Listening To...

Cold War Kids - We Used to Vacation (listen)
While the Cold War kids have been around since 2004, they started getting big after releasing their CD, Robbers & Cowards in the fall of 2006. The Cold War Kids have a really 50s style to them, but with a catchy present day sound. We Used to Vacation is one of those songs that you can really develop an addiction to with its sharp piano. While the piano does begin the song, the Cold War Kids show you their edge by adding in some distorted guitar and a really strong bass. The Cold War Kids show you that even with their class, they can still blow away their listeners.

The 80th Oscars

Last night was kind of a big night last night in the world of movies. It was also the first big show since the end of the writers strike, and I gotta say movie world, where was the effort? With the exception of Javier Bardem and a slightly insane Daniel Day Lewis, everyone else didn't really realize the Oscars were occurring.

What I really missed from this years' Oscars were those awesome people from last year that made all those sweet shadow images:

While stupid at the time, I really appreciate the work done by those shadow artists, especially in comparison to the montages of this year. Even though it was the Oscars, it just didn't have that usual Oscar feeling. It basically felt they were just trying to get everything over with as soon as possible. I am glad for the Coen brothers though. Their movie basically wrecked the Oscars, especially in the later categories. Javier Bardem was byfar the most excited to win an Oscar, I mean look at that face:
He was the one guy who truly seemed ecstatic to win an Oscar, or maybe he was just excited he didn't have that old sexy head of hair anymore. I am sad that Michael Clayton only received one award, although I did think Tilda Swinton deserved the award. That was until I saw Tilda Swinton in some sort of cut up bed sheet made from a velvet/plastic material looking like some sort of alien. I'm not sure what to make of that.

What I was more excited for was the nomination for Best Actor. I had seen There Will Be Blood the day before the Oscars, and laughed. A lot. I could not take anything Daniel Day Lewis said seriously in that movie since he sentence he spoke sounded as if it were his last after a lifetime of hatred for the world. Which I guess wasn't too far off. Anyway I was fairly certain this movie had caused him to go somewhat insane, and my instincts were correct when he won and proceeded to kneel to accept the Oscar:
The best was Helen Mirren's confusion, when she then decided the best thing to do in this situation was attempt to knight Daniel. When i thought this was Daniel was at his peak insanity, he then blew me away by thanking the academy for "whacking me with the handsomest bludgeon in town." He also addressed his wife as Mrs. Planview and wished he could share the stage with his fictional son HW. I'm fairly certain he left the Oscars with a band of gypsies and went on to cause mischief throughout the land.

While I'm fairly sure this was only my second year watching the Oscars in its entirety, I don't plan on losing all hope for the future Oscars based on one sub par year. By next year the lingering effects of the writers strike will be over, and they should probably just give Daniel Day Lewis the hosting job, and the insanity will inevitably continue.